Already confirmed as league champions, Stockport 2's took their seasonal undefeated streak on the road making the journey to Aldwinians on a glorious spring sunny day. Despite their champions status, they found themselves struggling for players which led to quite possibly one of the oldest 2's benches in recent history, the 3 subs offering a combined age of 142 (55, 49 & 38) which was more than the whole backs line (minus Rimmer) who weighed in with a collective age of 129 across 6 players. However, at least it meant that the modern day Statler and Waldorf (those cantankerous 2 from the Muppets) Kirky and Ding didn't have to don their boots and could spend all game bemoaning the worse performance of the season. The game also saw a Stockport 2nd XV debut for fly half Rhys Warhurst who having spent Thursday night being yelled at by the angry Viking Rouban Birch, was happy he wouldn't spend the afternoon being yelled at by Tom Eaton and then saw his dad's name on the teamsheet, unlucky son!!

There were a number of reasons why the old guard were called up to assist, with one being prop Lucas Worthington who could not believe the league had the audacity to arrange a rugby match, on a Saturday, in the rugby season so decided to go away with his girlfriend but worse was scrum half Dudley Southern who spent the earlier part of the season fuming that he had been relegated to the 3's, battled his way back into the 2's and managed to get selected ahead of the 4 scrum halves that Kirky took every week. His 'original' excuse for not playing was that he was playing in a golf competition however this was blown out of the water when it was revealed that he was teeing off at 8-30am and the rugby was starting at 3pm. Even Kirky and Shawsy could have played 18 holes in that time!!!! However (and much worse) was the revelation from an unnamed source that Southern's actual excuse was, "no point in playing today, we've already won the league so who cares if we win or not!"

It was also revealed that the selection of Keith Warhurst on the bench was nothing to do with need, want or skill but more to do with the fact that Kirky fancied a post match beer or 6 and needed a chauffeur whilst the appearance on the bench of INJURED 3's CAPTAIN Mel McCaughey sent ripples through the club's hierachy after he declared himself unfit for 3's selection due to a savage wound to his hand only to volunteer to bench for the 2's before Kirky had even finished asking him the question!!!

Upon arrival at Aldwinians, the route to the changing rooms and then from the changing rooms to the pitch was like a poor man's version of The Crystal Maze and being spread across 2 spaces, it was decided backs in one and forwards in another. Lock (yes that's a second row as in a forward) James Shaw somehow found himself in the backs changing room, something that would play out repeatedly during the course of the game however at least scrum half Andy Rimmer was happy, when he clapped eyes on Warhurst senior and it dawned on him (and not for the first time this season) that he wasn't the oldest back in the team. This was then followed by physio Liv, who is the only person who hates me more than her husband Keith, and found herself going round the room shaking hands with everyone until she got to me and I was greeted with, "what the actual fuck are you doing here?" 19 year old full back Arthur Carrol then turned up looking like a Harry Potter cast off, and its somewhat concerning when the master of the high ball reveals that he can't see without his glasses and doesn't have contact lenses yet. The coast was then clear for Oscar 'Hollywood' Davies to arrive, fashionably late and looking like he had come straight from an Ibiza nightclub via a sunbed appointment however Kirky wasn't bothered as he was too busy rolling out Oscar's red carpet, cos he can literally do what he wants!!!!

The pitch was rock hard, akin to playing on a school playground due to the recent lack of rain so it was clear it was going to be attritional especially considering both Aldwinians centres and their fly half were bigger than most of their pack and the weather was going to play its part, as the choice was between playing into a strong wind or a blinding sun. Kirky's pre-match speech was centred around how we were looking at the future of the club (I assume he meant the starting backs and not the bench) and basically the game plan (as it always is) was give the ball to Hollywood. Such has been the success of this plan throughout the season, that even prop Dave 'Hinge' Burr nodded in agreement and he's not given to agreeing with anyone's view but his own. The game commenced with Stockport playing into the wind and kicking off, and it was soon clear that through a combination of the weather, the pitch and the ball it was going to be a long after with mistakes aplenty. Skipper and No.8 Matt Blackman was a leading light throughout despite that fact he seemed to enjoy repeatedly bouncing his head off the rock hard pitch and Stockport were soon over for the first score of the afternoon. Blackman burst the home defence and despite being dragged down, off-loaded to supporting flanker Tom Carrington to continue the move. From the quickly recycled ball, the perfect start for debutant Rhys Warhurst as the Aldwinians defence parted like the Red Sea before Moses (and yes, Moses was in my class at school) and he shot through for a try, converted by wing Gaz Thomas who was cheered throughout by Burr. Now at this point it felt like it was a case of when rather than if that the floodgates would open however this was not to be and a combination of resolute defending from the home side and a plethora of handling errors from Stockport meant it was a stop-start affair of scrums. From one such scrum, Kirky 'won' a free kick from the sideline by advising the ref about putting the ball in straight which lead to a quick tap from Shawsy who literally is Carlos Spencer trapped in the body of a melted wheelie bin and his offload was unsuccessful meaning yet another scrum. Despite this lull in play, it was Stockport who were next to score with Thomas over for an unconverted try pushing the score out to 0-12 and at this point Stockport were in the ascendency, whilst not being in control. With the half drawing to a close, Aldwinians were awarded a penalty with the option to kick at goal taken and with that the half time whistle sounded with the score 3-12.

The second half saw Stockport with the wind behind them but now playing into the blinding sun (which is what I am blaming this half for ALL handling errors) and again it was an error-strewn affair. Despite this, Blackman, Burr & hooker Andy Broadhurst repeatedly carried and crashed into the aggressive home defence which was eventually almost breached after full back Arthur Carrol collected a kick return and set off breezing around defenders before putting through a lovely kick which was pursued by the midfield. First to the ball was Hollywood who blotted his copy book by either knocking on or giving a forward pass but either way another chance went begging and it was a scrum to the home side. Clearly, this was not Hollywood's fault (according to his one man cheerleading squad Kirky) and soon he had righted a wrong as a lovely floated miss pass from Rhys allowed Davies to put on the afterburners and scorched over for the 3rd Stockport try, which went unconverted. Unfortunately Davies was injured in the act of scoring (scratch to the sun tan I believe) and was replaced by Keith Warhurst who slotted in at 12, next to his son which saw Rhys get out the ear defenders for the remaining 30 minutes. Some slight confusion here as instead of just making the sub, Kirky now started playing Fantasy Rugby Manager with the backs which ended with no one knowing where they were playing and Shawsy coming out with, "you worry about tackle bags and getting us here Kirky, we'll sort the team!" That seemed to signal the end of the day for Shawsy as Kirky wielded the act in defiant display of I'm-in-charge power and after asking the 38 year old McCaughey if he was fit enough, he instead sent on 55 year old club veteran 'Uncle' Colin Nevett, much to the utter fear of the young teenage backs line. From the restart, the ball didn't go 10 and with the ref shouting play on the ball was scooped up by Nevett who had the try line in his sights............albeit from the half way line so that was never going to happen and then guess what, a handling error followed by a scrum. With the game now all but over, Stockport launched several further attacks and on the back of Rimmer's cry to be positive there was then the weekly domestic between the Warhursts. Dad screaming at son "why did you miss me out" and son using all his inner strength to not reply "cos you're shit dad" and instead came up with "we were playing advantage so I chanced by arm". Eventually, from the back of a scrum the ball was moved blind by Rimmer and found itself in the hands of wing Jack Greatbatch who plunged over the line for an unconverted score and it was now 3-22 and game over. Now that the game was safe, Kirky introduced McCaughey into the fray and with the game petering out Aldwinians managed to get a positional foothold in the game and suddenly Stockport were defending their line, but not well enough as the home side celebrated an unconverted try and it was now 8-22. Now into the dying embers of the game and another Stockport attack led to a goal line drop out, which was kicked straight into touch and so it was now a Stockport line out which eventually led to an Aldwinians penalty and the cry of Kirky shouting, "just kick it out and end this please!!" With the home side doing as asked, the final whistle was blown giving the league champions a 8-22 victory.

Despite the dourness of the day, another victory for the 2's which leaves them undefeated. Special mentions for Dave Burr, Andy Broadhurst and Seb Valentine who carried like trojans all day as well as Rhys Warhurst for an accomplished debut however MOTM has to go to the skipper Matt Blackman who was almost unstoppable in attack and keep his team moving forward.

DOTD and there are a number of contenders including the aforementioned Worthington and Southern. Kirky isn't going to like this but Hollywood was up there as it was revealed he came off cos the poor little teddy bear had been ill all week and was in need or a good sunbed to rejuvenate himself (Morgan would have stayed on, there's the difference Oscar)!!! However, for the 3rd XV captain to rule himself out of the selection due to the injury, and then on the morning of the game decide not to go with his team to Marple but instead be fit enough to bench for the 2's it just has to go to Mel McCaughey!!