The One With The Stockport Express

League winners Stockport looked to round off their winning season in style by remaining undefeated as they travelled to bottom side Trafford MV 3's in the final game of the season. With the 4's having no game and MV 'apparently' struggling for players, the visitors took a 9 man bench which was not required as MV had a full side (with their 1's having no game) but no front row (with their 1's having no game) and what this effectively meant was uncontested scrums from the start and saw the home side playing with a hooker and 7 back row forwards!!!!

With skipper Jim Finnigan missing his last ever game as captain (more about him later), it was left to INSIDE CENTRE (yes the No.12 shirt at last) Keith Warhurst to captain the side which saw Will Trollope start his first game at 9. Centre Aaron Hussain was apparently fit to play with a fractured thumb (after being publicly berated by prop Jack Booth on social media) whilst the playmaking duo of fly half Rhys Warhurst and full back Rick Morgan were back in tandem at last.

The game was played on the best surface outside of Twickenham and looked suited for Stockport's style of expansive play however the home side had other ideas and tore into the visitors from the off. Stockport looked totally off the pace with a series of missed tackles and with ball in hand, couldn't retain it with the home side securing turnovers for fun. It was clear that the so-called victory parade was going to be a damp squib if we didn't buck up our ideas and this was reinforced as the home side went over for the first points of the game with a converted try giving them a 7-0 lead. Slowly but surely, Stockport seemed to crawl their way back into the game which seemed to frustrate the home side who gave away a silly penalty with a late cheap shot on skipper Warhurst who came out with the shanter (Finnigan's word for shit banter) "that hit was later than a train". This resorted in veteran sub Colin "Uncle" Nevett commenting on the shanter and hence the coining of the 'Stockport Express'. Skipper-in-waiting Mel "Maul" McCaughey then made an early substitution moving Warhurst from centre to scrum half (damn him, the 12 shirt was mine) but the side settled into a rhythm and thought they had scored after an exceptional move in the backs line saw Hussain combine with Morgan to put wing Myles Mason into space, who in turn fed back inside to opposite wing Duncan Hedar to score under the posts however this was brought back for a dubious forward pass call. There was then further 'shanter' between Warhurst and a Trafford forward at which Warhurst pointed out that one day this lad may actually play at a decent level to which he replied "I've just won the league". That would be your 1's then, thanks for the confirmation of team loading pal!!!! Still Stockport kept coming and it was the home side who were begging for the half time whistle as Hussain cut a "great line" off Rhys Warhurst and scythed through the defence linking with Hedar and Trollope before the ball was worked back to Hussain to open the Stockport scoring (and add to his efforts to be the top try scorer for the season) and this took the team into the half time break 7-5 down.

The half time talk was simple, we needed to calm down and play our game. The opposition were tiring and we just needed to put phases together and support the ball carrier. If we could keep the ball the tries would surely come. Further substitutions saw the introduction into the pack of back rows Tom Mounkley and Jim Hilliard, with both making immediate impressions and the former making an impact later in the half. Straight from the kick off, flanker Ben Unwin smashed the catcher and having driven him backwards a fair distant, prop Jack Booth was over to secure the turnover and the penalty. Further pressure was applied and with the rucks now being won, it was that man Unwin who crashed over for the score, converted by Morgan which gave the visitors a 7-12 lead. The wind was now back in the sails and with all the pressure on the home side, a Trafford clearing kick was somehow plucked out of the air and fielded one-handedly by Rhys Warhurst who in turn fed Keith Warhurst for a sprint to the line. Sprint is probably the wrong word and as the line faded further and further away, the chance for Warhurst to break his seasonal scoring duck disappeared into the black hole however there is no better feeling than looking over your shoulder and seeing our very own Usain Bolt, Duncan Hedar in support who took the pass off a flagging Warhurst and skipped under the posts for another Morgan converted try taking it out to 7-19. Watching Hedar play is like watching someone controlling him in a Mario Kart game, the theory being that if you stand still long enough eventually he'll run somewhere near you and you can join in with him!!!! With the game still in the balance, further changes were made which included Tommy 'Turnstile' Kirkham into the sacred No.12 shirt who waved the Trafford inside centre through like an Italian traffic cop who then rounded Morgan for another home score and it was now 12-19. This made for a tense finish however the visitors were not for surrendering their undefeated record and it was from a line out that an unstoppable maul was formed which stormed its way to the line and saw Mounkley as the man crashing over the line for a try pushing the score out to 12-24. The pressure was now all on the home side and as they tried to play out of their half, the ball was dropped and hacked on by Hussain who was prevented from giving chase after being pulled back by a Trafford player however this didn't stop speed machine substitute winger Max Bailey who won the race to the ball and supplied an excellent one-handed finish for another Morgan converted try which pushed the score out to 12-31. With the game was now won, there was still enough time for young Kirkham to redeem himself and beat several defenders as he crashed over in the corner for the final try of the game which saw the final score and a win for Stockport at 12-36.

With a hard season now over, the team can reflect on job well done. 20 league games played resulting in 19 wins, 1 draw and ZERO losses. The team managed to score 891 points and concede a paltry 148 which results in a points difference of a massive 743. Average score across those games would be 44-7 to us!!!!!

Onto yesterday's awards and as it was the last one it was only fair to have several DOTD's!!! There was a shout for our very own proud Irishman Mel 'Maul' McCaughey to be in the offing as it was revealed he is such a proud Irishman he doesn't even possess an Irish passport, just a UK one (where he deems fit enough to live)?? The first one went to skipper Finnigan who missed his last game in charge to go on the U11's tour where didn't actually leave the county he lives in and meant he lived closer to the tour destination than if he had travelled to Trafford HOWEVER he wasn't there so step up Daniel 'John Terry' Cockersmith who didn't even turn up to the game but managed to make the club afterwards in full Stockport stash!!!

Next on the list was Duncan 'Mario Kart' Hedar for basically refusing to pass to Aaron as he chased the top try scoring record followed by Aaron who not knowing Tommy was sat behind him began by saying, "we were ok until Tommy came on"!!!!

Finally these 3 needed to be joined by a MOTM and after being berated by Hedar for always picking a forward, the MOTM went to quite possibly the most underrated player in the team who doesn't get the credit he deserves cos he is expected to do what he does every week. Step forward the poor man's Jonny Wilkinson MR Rick 'Indiana' Morgan (sorry Morgs, can't end on a report where I don't diss you)!!!!!