Stockport 3's hosted their final league game of the season facing off against Macclesfield 3's in a midweek encounter taking place on the Wallbank Road pitch. With the game having been brought forward from the weekend to accommodate the visitors, it was then thrown into disarray when the decision was made to turn all 3 main club pitches at Stockport into Blackpool beach, minus the buckets and spades. A major effort from the club turned Wallbank into a playable surface and so the game was on, complete with mobile bar courtesy of Alan and his tractor set up. The 3's managed to select possibly their strongest XV of the season although this was dented prior to kick off when jet heeled winger Max 'Toupeedo' Bailey decided he would rather attend cricket practice than play, so a quick reshuffle saw Aaron 'I've Not Missed Many Games' Hussein switch to wing to accommodate the veteran Rolls Royce that is Myles Mason, off the bench and into the 13 shirt. The pack were also bolstered by the return of The Devil's Bodyguard, Jack Booth at prop and were to be skippered for the last time by lock Mel McCaughey MBE (My Ball Everybody) who chose the final game of the season to decide he could be lifted in the line out and actually was happy to deal with physical contact in the loose. This may have been due to the fact that the Scarlets forwards coach was indeed being cheered on by the Scarlets and so it was time for him to practice what he preached!!! The bench also boasted prop Jez Taylor playing his last ever senior game of rugby for Stockport (some would say he actually stopped playing a while ago) with his first game taking place in 1992, the year I left school!!!! The scene was set for the best of send-offs for the veteran with the team taking bets on how long it would be before he knocked on, gave away a penalty or got yellow carded.

Prior to kick off, the 3's chose to warm up in the dead ball area of the 3rd XV pitch however were quickly moved on when local park ranger Tom Eaton appeared ("lads, you can't play here") and under instruction from his boss Kirky, moved on us just prior to erecting the No Ball Games Allowed signs!!! At this point, and with less than 20 minutes to kick off there was still no sign of Hussein who was contacted and stated he thought it was a 7-30 kick off (on a pitch with no floodlights), however all was not lost as resident time-traveller and Mr Benn's shopkeeper Elliot Smith had mysteriously appeared from nowhere with his trusty carrier bag in hand so he slotted in for the time being. We were then treated to the fact that not only did we have a ref but also 2 actual assistant refs, one being in the shape of good old Jerry who after the game decided it would be a really good idea to come into the clubhouse wearing his Macclesfield shirt!!!

The game started with Stockport kicking into the slight wind however fly half Rhys Warhurst hadn't taken into account he was playing on a child's size pitch and booted the ball out on the full, resulting in a scrum restart for Macc. From this Stockport demonstrated their physical intentions as the front row of Booth, Elliot Lee and resident Planet of the Apes extra Alex Hooley along with the rest of the pack almost drove the visitors off their own ball. The engine room saw McCaughey partnered up with captain elect Dom Waterhouse whilst the back row consisted of Ben Unwin, Tom Carrington & Dan Zelinka who even now, no one can believe was in the same age group as 1st XV prop Tom Gardner!!! Partnering Warhurst at half back was the man who makes me sick, Andrew Rimmer who not only looks like a Greek god in his budgie smugglers but is (after Myles) possibly the nicest man in the world whilst along with Mason in the centres was the poor man's AJ, Adil Athar, who made several punishing bursts throughout the game but still seemingly lacks the ability to let the ball leave his hands. With Hussein on one wing, the other wing birth went to Affeme 'AJ' Johnson who turned up looking like a 1980's Michael Jackson whilst at the back was the ever dependable and never happy with his performance, Mr Kitty-Rick Morgan. Alongside Taylor on the bench we had the turnover king Tyron Walker, time traveller Smith, Tom 'Rugby Whore' Mounkley (he'll play for anyone), the very angular Chris Dodd and everyone's favourite grumpy miserable piss taker, Keith Warhurst (who maybe should also have been retiring).

From the off, the game was physical with neither side giving an inch and whilst Stockport had a few opportunities to break away it was the visitors who opened the scoring with a converted try pushing them into a 0-7 lead. Not to be undeterred, Stockport refused to back down and through a combination of field position and forward power, found themselves back in the game when the mini ape Hooley forced his way over for an unconverted try and now it was 5-7. As previously mentioned, McCaughey was rampaging round like, well like a second row should play and soon he was over the line for a try converted by Rhys. Morgan was then called into action when asked to diffuse an epic spiral bomb which saw AJ screaming for it, when he was nowhere near it and Hussein was heard to shout, "good luck with that one then Rick" just before he dropped it resulting in a scrum. Just before the close of the half, 12-7 became 17-7 when Hussein managed to sneak over in the corner for an unconverted score which restored his credit after he was awarded an early DOTD when he blew a 5 man overlap and kicked the ball out on the full. This brought the half time whistle and Stockport going into the break 17-7 ahead.

The second half began with no changes to the starting line up whilst all game, the whole crowd were treated to a kicking masterclass from Morgan, who despite having all his team mates wax lyrical over his metronomic brilliance still had the same hangdog expression like he'd lost a fiver and found a penny!!! Making no changes paid dividends straight away as a rampaging break from Booth saw the ball offloaded to Rhys who in turn passed it on to keep the momentum going. With Macc all over the place, the ball was recycled which saw Carrington carrying hard into the midfield and his perfectly timed chicken wing offload saw Hooley over for his 2nd try under the posts, converted by Morgan and it was 24-7 with some breathing space. Mason then departed the field with a 'head injury' (I've done worse shaving) but it was soon clear why as his wife had arrived and also the fact that he was actually pleased when he saw his name on the bench. Smith onto the field moving Hussein into the 13 shirt, however soon the captain elect was making up for it as further field pressure saw the ball moved wide to Unwin who's perfectly timed pass saw Waterhouse over the corner. Their prize for this interplay was to be substituted and replaced by the aerodynamic Toblerone-shaped head that is Dodd & the rugby whore Mounkley. Further changes saw Taylor on for the rampaging Lee and Tyron Walker on to replace Hooley, as his dad Roger was present and didn't want to pay for a jug like last time Ape Junior bagged 3 meat pies. The next score went the way of the visitors after some slack defending however the lead was soon re-established when Athar managed to get himself on the score sheet (see, he is better than AJ) and his reward for scoring was to be replaced by Keith Warhurst, bringing back the father-son combo at 10 & 12. Macclesfield then scored again and it was now 38-21 with 9 minutes left to play however the cherry on the cake was delivered after an intercept (which I believe last I heard was in his own 22) was collected by the angular one Dodd who set off for the try line, chased by the Macc player who had previously chased down Hussein but realising Dodd was quicker than our resident Oriental overseas addition gave up which saw Dodd over for the final score, converted by Morgan giving the home side a comfortable 45-21 victory.

Onto the awards and this time it was done the old fashioned way with the opposition selecting our MOTM which went to our departing skipper Mel McCaughey who, in typical fashion couldn't even delegate someone to down his drink for him. He was then back up for another pint as the departing captain which left Benji's clothes covered in beer (cos Mel clearly wears his son's clothes) and everyone else running for cover as we all know what happens to Mel when he has a few too many beers...............F**k Yooooooooooooooooooooooooou!!!

DOTD went to our very own Aaron Hussein who spent more time after the game expending energy trying to convince everyone he had played more games than he had, for his wasted overlap and his 'pass' that dribbled over our own line and almost us to concede a try. However to his credit, he hammered the 3 forwards he was up against downing his pint!!!

There was also a sighting afterwards in the changing rooms of Stockport's very own miniature John Terry, looking very sheepish with his rucksack however he decided against refreshing himself in the showers!!!