With the delayed season now ready to begin, the mighty 4's made the short trip over to Carrington to face off against Sale Norseman to kick off their 2026/27 league campaign. Now I'm not entirely sure where the Norseman name originated however it may have been more apt to simply keep the name of Sale Colts, Sale Creche or even pre-school Sale. As with most games, we all turn up in dribs and drabs and all clock the fact that the home side are already out warming up well over an hour before kick off (which is usually not a good sign) and we then realised that the opposition have an average age of 18. This usually means we are in for a long afternoon chasing shadows against players who are all quick and never seem to tire. Enter into the changing room Gordon 'The Oracle' Fenton, now with a foot on both sides of the fence given his son plays for Sale FC who decided to enlighten us by telling us that the opposition were a 'young team', that we needed to 'keep the ball away from them' and not to 'let them run'!! As I said, the oracle had spoken!!!

A late withdrawal by that old romantic James Beard meant a reshuffle in the pack however some answered the call to arms by accepting that Sale was not that far away and not implying that they would only play at home for the 3's. Enter into the fray Simon Warner, complete with his regulation nose tape making him look like Cheshire's answer to Robbie Fowler. The 4's gave debuts to prop Henry Stevenson, lock Charlie Durkin and wing Oliver Gruffudd and with skipper Conor 'Poorly Pinky' Osbiston watching on, the captaincy was passed around like hot potato until hooker Ged Gurney was left holding the baby.

With the pitch a reasonable walk from the changing rooms, Osbiston decreed we were going out to stay out so take everything you need. With kick off approaching, scrum half Toby Piatt and lock Alex Ward then hurtled back to the changing room to collect scrum caps and gumshield leaving you with the understanding as to why their parents come to games #wipetheirarses. The pre-match speech was all about enjoying ourselves and at least having a go, with nightmares of last season's game fresh in the heads of some after Sale turned up to Stockport with 35 players and ran wild on the scoreboard. Sale kicked off proceedings and we were off into our first foray of the season and 2 things were clear from the early exchanges. The first was that we were definitely not going to be taking any backwards steps and the second was that there was going to be a lot of frustration during the game due to law (not rules) interpretations that we were not familiar with. Having been punished for offside obstruction at the line out when Sale didn't compete, we then followed suit and did the same only for the shout of 'play on' to appear. The ball was moved across the pitch and into the hands of the Sale quarterback who did his best Patrick Mahomes impression, using his centre as a linebacker to put his other centre in unopposed under the sticks and the conversion made it 7-0 to the home side. No heads went down, as the debutants put themselves about ably assisted by the ball carrying of No.8 Isaac Wall with us defending like a pack of rabid dogs, fighting for everything and causing as much chaos as possible. Despite this, Sale scored next with a repeat of their first try however with the slight variation of using 2 linebackers with the quarterback running behind both to give the the pass to the willing recipient. Despite Gurney's protestations and having been told we were at fault for being offside, the conversion was missed and it was now 12-0. With Stevenson's girlfriend and friends making the effort to come and watch him play, he showed his gratitude by limping off after trying to make tackles using only his head and this meant uncontested scrums and the introduction of Max Crabtree off the bench. Durkin was now finding his feet in the game with his ball carrying whilst the Skelly twins were at their indomitable best, smashing into anything that came into their tackling arc and still refreshingly, no quarter was being given by the visitors however with that came the half time whistle and it remained 12-0 to Sale.

The second half began badly for Stockport as they conceded another unconverted try and then lost flanker Dave Heywood to a head injury which saw the introduction of Warner from the bench, whilst Joe Laxton was on to replace Andy Albinson at full back. As is always the case, Warner was straight into tackling mode whilst Laxton added some punch to the backs line in the outside channels and the visitors were now creating the threat. Wave after wave of attack saw them into the Sale 22 and from a penalty, a quick tap by one of the Skelly's saw him weave his way over practically untouched for a try converted by Laxton and it was now 17-7 and game on. An interception from fly half Rhys Warhurst should have resulted in a try however he had forgotten to unhitch his caravan AND had also deployed his parachute as he ground to a halt as though running in treacle and his pass to Piatt was blocked by Sale and the chance went begging. Sale were next on the scoreboard pushing it out to 22-7 however again, Stockport showed great spirit and resilience by refusing to give up and came back with 2 tries of their own. The first was from Warhurst who this time had the pace to go over from 2 yards out and this was followed by a debut try for Gruffudd, both unconverted however it was now 22-17 and we were in for a grandstand final few minutes. Wing Kev McCarthy was now on to replace centre Keith Warhurst whilst Rich Grainger was back into the 4's mix, coming on to bolster the pack. Prop Will Wadsworth was now so into the game he was securing a turn over and Crabtree was putting himself about making tackles (we won't talk about his quarterback forward pass mind which will almost certainly appear on A Question of Sport's What Happened Next). With Stockport in the ascendency and knowing a try would at least give them a draw, the kitchen sink was proverbially thrown and with Wall giving his opinion to the referee again, he was met whilst on the run with the referee shouting "shut the fuck up No.8" however despite the best efforts of the team, Sale managed to score a converted try with the last play of the game giving them an unflattering 29-17 win.

An unbelievable effort against a team who ran in many unanswered points in the reverse fixture last season. Every single person who set foot on the pitch gave their all for the team which is all that was asked of them. 3 debutants who showed that they will add to the side and a bench of 5 who all contributed to a great team effort.

No award for Player of the Match this week as honestly, it could have been a number of people such was the performance however we have to have Dick of the Day, of which there are a number of contenders.........

Skipper Conor Osbiston and his poorly pinky ruling him out of the game in the first place. Piatt and Ward having to run back to the changing rooms whilst we have a special mention for Gordon and his sparkling insight. Rhys and his towing caravan along with Beardo and his romantic weekend away that he knew nothing abut and clearly his wife didn't know he was playing rugby either!!! Stevenson for managing to come off the pitch injured before his guests saw him play was a cracker however for me, the quarterback pass by Crabtree that was so unexpected even the Sale team didn't react due to disbelief has to be the icing on the cake.