Stockport 4's hosted their first home game of the season as they welcomed Broughton to Headlands Road for their latest league venture. With skipper Conor Osbiston taking his poorly pinky to a finger retreat in Wales, the captaincy against rested in the hands of lock (but not for long) Ged Gurney with vice-captain Andy Albinson taking on the role of team manager whilst the 4's gave a Stockport debut to Dom Clark (without the 'e') at outside centre. With Keith & Rhys Warhurst lining up at 9 & 10, this combo didn't even last into the changing room as we followed in scrum half Toby Piatt who having been unavailable was now able to play. Some quick engineering from Warhurst senior saw Piatt starting, with sub Oliver Gruffudd onto the wing meaning Warhurst could take his rightful place on the bench, especially given the warm conditions. Gruffudd then announced to Albinson that he could only play the first half due to a groin injury (who knew that a groin injury was only affected if more than 40 minutes were played) and the game kicked off slightly late but saw the home side playing up the slight incline afforded by the 3rd XV pitch.

Stockport received the kick off, straight into the hands of flanker Tom Francis who set the tone with a rampaging bullocking run and quick as a flash, the ball was moved into the wide channels which saw full back Joe Laxton in at the corner for the first try of the game and a 5-0 lead with the conversion missed by the kicking genius!!! With sub Max Crabtree still trying to explain to the massive crowd why his forward pass last week still wasn't his fault, it wasn't long before Stockport were over again with Clark (without the 'e') grabbing a debut try which resulted in a 10-0 lead as the conversion was again missed. At some point in this passage of play, Broughton lost a player to injury and even though only 10 minutes had past, they realised they were in for a tough afternoon. With the forwards taking it to the opposition, a scrum saw 'lock' Ged Gurney packing down at flanker and it was clear that he had flexed his captaincy muscles and managed to get out of the engine room at the earliest opportunity. Not to be outdone by his partner, inside centre Sam Cavill was next on the score sheet with a try converted by Laxton however the visitors refused to lie down and fought back into the Stockport half where a penalty awarded was turned into 3 points after a successful goal kick. Clearly this put the wind in their sails as another break looked like it was going to be a definite try until Gruffudd appeared with a flying WWE clothesline and decapitated the player, resulting in a penalty try and it was now 17-10 which did not reflect the Stockport dominance. This seemed to reignite the home team as back row Charlie Skelly weaved and dodged his way through the traffic for a try converted by Laxton, and then right on the stroke of half time Cavill went in straight under the posts for another Laxton converted try and with that, the whistle brought the half to a close with the score line showing 31-10.

Half time saw Alex Ward introduced into the pack to replace Charlie Durkin whilst the Squirrel King (and definitely grey squirrels nowadays) Kev McCarthy was on to the wing to replace Karlis Priekulis. The ref asked what was so special about the 4's given that we had more of a crowd than the 2s on the adjacent pitch, but ultimately its just were older and have more relatives!!!!

The second half restarted with more Stockport pressure and realising the amount of space outside, Rhys Warhurst put up a perfect cross field kick which looked for all the world like it was going to drop straight into the waiting arms for Gruffudd however he was also looking into the sun and completely missed the ball. Fortunately so did the opposing defender and the loose ball was scooped up by Skelly for his second of the afternoon, improved by Laxton and it was now 38-10. More substitutions were now made which saw Keith Warhurst replace Toby Piatt whilst in the pack Dave Williams, Lee McLean and Crabtree were also now on. With the ball moved wide by Broughton, a tackle saw McCarthy straight in and over the ball like he was Tom Curry with perfect technique, even simulating the lifting. You could however hear the fear in his voice and the look on his face as he knew if the ref didn't give him the penalty soon, he was going to get smashed right in the money maker and he really couldn't afford to damage his pre-match facial and tan. With the injured Paul Knowles now on WhatsApp score duty, replacing Mr Perfect Myles Mason he decided to only post scores and not scorers (if you are going to do a job, at least do it right) which meant the home side were over again for a Laxton converted try however I've no idea who scored it (all your fault Knowlesy)!! It had been one way traffic all game however it was now a case of how many with Cavill searching for a hat trick (possibly due to the 3rd XV skipper in attendance) however it was his partner Clark (without the 'e') who was over next for his 2nd, converted by Laxton and it was now 52-10. The spirit of the opposition shone through as they refused to give up and scored their 2nd try of the afternoon to make it 52-15 but with the clock now ticking down and with Cavill searching for his 3rd, he finally made it with the final try of the game, again improved by Laxton which left time for 2 more things to happen. The first was a 3rd consolation try for Broughton which was converted to make it 59-22 whilst the second was the sight of skipper Gurney bursting over the line, only to end looking like an upturned tortoise as he could not ground the ball. The resulting goal line drop out was kicked off the field and that signalled the end of the game and an emphatic 59-22 win for the mighty 4s.

Onto the awards and firstly (as always) we start with the Player of the Match. Cavill blew his opportunity with a lack of post match jug with honourable mentions to Rhys Warhurst for a dominate open field kicking display and Clark (with the 'e') for his try brace on an excellent debut. Albinson himself could have been in the mix for some excellent water bottle filling and corner flag carrying however the award, presented by the Squirrel King went to the bulldozing Tom Francis, who later was found to be asking Rhys how he knows Keith. Maybe the same surname on the team sheet was a giveaway and we are hardly brothers????

Onto the much more coveted Dick of the Day and there were surprisingly few candidates this week, despite Albinson trying to stitch up Keith and Kev for being the last out of the changing rooms (funny as he was there talking to us as well) however for a penalty try, not catching a cross field kick, the groin that only does 40 minutes and then volunteering his groin to play for the opposition the award goes to wing Oliver Gruffudd!!